This is a fight I can't wait to win. The closer I get to God, the harder I fight for my healing... but there's a downside to that, also. It seems like the more I fight and pray, the more discouraged I get when I wake up every morning in pain, realizing that my healing has not come yet. Winter is here and so are Final Exams -- Probably one of the worst combinations for my lupus. My disease has taken on a whole new level this winter. I feel as the time goes by, the more my disease progresses. I don't recall being this debilitated since I've been diagnosed ten years ago...
At first, I though it was ironic -- for me to finally discover God's love for me, and then have more frequent doctor visits due to increasing complications. Then I realized that it's not really a bad sign, rather a good one. The devil is our enemy, and when he sees that we are turning against him to love God more, he will do things to pull us further down... and this is where our faith and trust in God comes in -- we continue on our godly path, and leave everything else to Him, for His love is always faithful and everlasting.
I can say this easily now, as I am given the luxury to sit back and peacefully contemplate to myself. But if I were to be put in an emergency situation where I'd have to think on my toes and speak the thoughts that came first to mind, I'd probably be complaining about how much I'm hurting and pessimistically preparing for an entire life of medications and endless debilitation... Or, at least, that's how it has been when I barely knew God.
Love God. Trust God. Believe in God. He is so faithful. He is so gracious. He is so loving. I must always remember this.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Health Update & Personal Reassurance
This is a fight I can't wait to win. The closer I get to God, the harder I fight for my healing... but there's a downside to that, also. It seems like the more I fight and pray, the more discouraged I get when I wake up every morning in pain, realizing that my healing has not come yet. Winter is here and so are Final Exams -- Probably one of the worst combinations for my lupus. My disease has taken on a whole new level this winter. I feel as the time goes by, the more my disease progresses. I don't recall being this debilitated since I've been diagnosed ten years ago...
At first, I though it was ironic -- for me to finally discover God's love for me, and then have more frequent doctor visits due to increasing complications. Then I realized that it's not really a bad sign, rather a good one. The devil is our enemy, and when he sees that we are turning against him to love God more, he will do things to pull us further down... and this is where our faith and trust in God comes in -- we continue on our godly path, and leave everything else to Him, for His love is always faithful and everlasting.
I can say this easily now, as I am given the luxury to sit back and peacefully contemplate to myself. But if I were to be put in an emergency situation where I'd have to think on my toes and speak the thoughts that came first to mind, I'd probably be complaining about how much I'm hurting and pessimistically preparing for an entire life of medications and endless debilitation... Or, at least, that's how it has been when I barely knew God.
Love God. Trust God. Believe in God. He is so faithful. He is so gracious. He is so loving. I must always remember this.
At first, I though it was ironic -- for me to finally discover God's love for me, and then have more frequent doctor visits due to increasing complications. Then I realized that it's not really a bad sign, rather a good one. The devil is our enemy, and when he sees that we are turning against him to love God more, he will do things to pull us further down... and this is where our faith and trust in God comes in -- we continue on our godly path, and leave everything else to Him, for His love is always faithful and everlasting.
I can say this easily now, as I am given the luxury to sit back and peacefully contemplate to myself. But if I were to be put in an emergency situation where I'd have to think on my toes and speak the thoughts that came first to mind, I'd probably be complaining about how much I'm hurting and pessimistically preparing for an entire life of medications and endless debilitation... Or, at least, that's how it has been when I barely knew God.
Love God. Trust God. Believe in God. He is so faithful. He is so gracious. He is so loving. I must always remember this.
2 comments:
Thanks for sharing Yvonne. I'm amazed at how much God is growing you and working in you. Keep your faith and passion strong. ~ Mariann
ReplyDeleteomg, i'm almost in tears. it's an awesome feeling to know and to fight from the winning side. amen? our God is victorious and so are we. i'm touched and encouraged by ur blogs yvonne.
ReplyDelete
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Thanks for sharing Yvonne. I'm amazed at how much God is growing you and working in you. Keep your faith and passion strong. ~ Mariann
ReplyDeleteomg, i'm almost in tears. it's an awesome feeling to know and to fight from the winning side. amen? our God is victorious and so are we. i'm touched and encouraged by ur blogs yvonne.
ReplyDelete