When it comes to family, God calls us to do what it takes to stay together. Even if it means to agree to disagree, as long as in the end, love prevails among us. This is pleasing to God. Why? We don't get to choose who becomes our family. We are either born into a family or married into one. In both cases, it's God's call, and our duty to is to honor that the best we can.
When it comes to friends, however, God allows us to make the call. Just like other responsibilities in life, friendship is a decision we make -- a decision to either commit to it or terminate it. The word calls us to love our neighbors and not have ill hearts for anyone, but nowhere does it say we're called to please everyone and keep everyone we encounter in our inner circle of relationship, regardless of how "holy" our intent may be.
I have witnessed good-hearted folks round up groups and groups of "friends" to invest time in, and this is all truly wonderful. I love this... but then when I take a closer look, the quality of the relationships don't seem all that conducive to me. These friends come and go, and eventually, it gets to a point when someone who is in need of a real, quality friendship finds disappointment instead because needs and expectations cannot be met. It's certainly not because of ill intentions. Rather, this friend, or people-pleaser, doesn't know how to be real or reach that level of trust and meaningfulness that is expected from a quality friendship. Of course, as always, this is merely my opinion based on observations, and that's all that should be considered for the purpose of this blog.
The reason why this doesn't appeal to me is because I value quality relationships above many, many things in my life. It's definitely high up there for me. For this reason, I happen to not hold a special place in my heart for these types of people. I believe God gives us a desire for certain things, and it's our responsibility to ensure that these desires are fulfilled effectively. Because I had a friend like that, I made the decision to deem her "seasonal." She has a good heart, and our friendship was so fruitful when things were working on her terms. It was wonderful because for a good year or so, I truly enjoyed being on her terms. I regarded her in that way, and I appreciated her for everything she did. But like in all relationships, it takes two. So when it was my turn to need, I became disappointed... more sad, but still disappointed. I know disappointment is a double-edged sword, but I believe it's the appropriate word to describe my feelings at the time. I felt like it was my turn to need a friend, but even after all I've invested, I received little to nothing in return, but it was okay. Why? Because God gave me the right to choose. He gave me the ability to discern and make decisions. He created me to be someone special, and He allowed me to recognize my identity in Him. Without this ability to be one in Him, I wouldn't have been able to make decisions that led me to be free and without disappointment. In the end, he honored my decision, and in return, I gained other fruitful and meaningful relationships (one being my husband).
Today, I love the casual relationship I have with my old friend, and I love her. Nothing changes the fact that we shared fruitful moments in a past season. But just as the seasons change, so do some of my relationships. I would add "unfortunately" after that last sentence, but it's really a good thing, I promise. I don't ask for or anticipate these changes, but I allow God to help me with making these changes in my life. If we can give up certain things we deem "purposeless" and "unnecessary" from season to season, why can't we do the same for relationships that are just as purposeless and unnecessary? God doesn't want us to waste our time and efforts on things that are already dead. There's so much work to do in His kingdom, so there's no sense in wasting our God-given time and resources.
So if you're struggling with friendships that are dragging you down with weight on your shoulders, or even stuck with friendships that are just sitting there stagnantly, not as alive as they used to be for whatever the reason, just know that it's okay to have seasonal friendships. They had a purpose while they lasted in their season, but it's time to move forward once that purpose no longer exists. Take that time and effort and put it into something alive and meaningful. No one has the right to tell you who should or should not be your friend. Friendships are a personal decision, and any decisions in regard to them should only be between you and the only other one who knows you best... God. It's totally possible to love and let go at the same time, and if anything, God will be more pleased that you did so than otherwise.
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Sunday, October 14, 2012
Seasonal Friendships
When it comes to family, God calls us to do what it takes to stay together. Even if it means to agree to disagree, as long as in the end, love prevails among us. This is pleasing to God. Why? We don't get to choose who becomes our family. We are either born into a family or married into one. In both cases, it's God's call, and our duty to is to honor that the best we can.
When it comes to friends, however, God allows us to make the call. Just like other responsibilities in life, friendship is a decision we make -- a decision to either commit to it or terminate it. The word calls us to love our neighbors and not have ill hearts for anyone, but nowhere does it say we're called to please everyone and keep everyone we encounter in our inner circle of relationship, regardless of how "holy" our intent may be.
I have witnessed good-hearted folks round up groups and groups of "friends" to invest time in, and this is all truly wonderful. I love this... but then when I take a closer look, the quality of the relationships don't seem all that conducive to me. These friends come and go, and eventually, it gets to a point when someone who is in need of a real, quality friendship finds disappointment instead because needs and expectations cannot be met. It's certainly not because of ill intentions. Rather, this friend, or people-pleaser, doesn't know how to be real or reach that level of trust and meaningfulness that is expected from a quality friendship. Of course, as always, this is merely my opinion based on observations, and that's all that should be considered for the purpose of this blog.
The reason why this doesn't appeal to me is because I value quality relationships above many, many things in my life. It's definitely high up there for me. For this reason, I happen to not hold a special place in my heart for these types of people. I believe God gives us a desire for certain things, and it's our responsibility to ensure that these desires are fulfilled effectively. Because I had a friend like that, I made the decision to deem her "seasonal." She has a good heart, and our friendship was so fruitful when things were working on her terms. It was wonderful because for a good year or so, I truly enjoyed being on her terms. I regarded her in that way, and I appreciated her for everything she did. But like in all relationships, it takes two. So when it was my turn to need, I became disappointed... more sad, but still disappointed. I know disappointment is a double-edged sword, but I believe it's the appropriate word to describe my feelings at the time. I felt like it was my turn to need a friend, but even after all I've invested, I received little to nothing in return, but it was okay. Why? Because God gave me the right to choose. He gave me the ability to discern and make decisions. He created me to be someone special, and He allowed me to recognize my identity in Him. Without this ability to be one in Him, I wouldn't have been able to make decisions that led me to be free and without disappointment. In the end, he honored my decision, and in return, I gained other fruitful and meaningful relationships (one being my husband).
Today, I love the casual relationship I have with my old friend, and I love her. Nothing changes the fact that we shared fruitful moments in a past season. But just as the seasons change, so do some of my relationships. I would add "unfortunately" after that last sentence, but it's really a good thing, I promise. I don't ask for or anticipate these changes, but I allow God to help me with making these changes in my life. If we can give up certain things we deem "purposeless" and "unnecessary" from season to season, why can't we do the same for relationships that are just as purposeless and unnecessary? God doesn't want us to waste our time and efforts on things that are already dead. There's so much work to do in His kingdom, so there's no sense in wasting our God-given time and resources.
So if you're struggling with friendships that are dragging you down with weight on your shoulders, or even stuck with friendships that are just sitting there stagnantly, not as alive as they used to be for whatever the reason, just know that it's okay to have seasonal friendships. They had a purpose while they lasted in their season, but it's time to move forward once that purpose no longer exists. Take that time and effort and put it into something alive and meaningful. No one has the right to tell you who should or should not be your friend. Friendships are a personal decision, and any decisions in regard to them should only be between you and the only other one who knows you best... God. It's totally possible to love and let go at the same time, and if anything, God will be more pleased that you did so than otherwise.
When it comes to friends, however, God allows us to make the call. Just like other responsibilities in life, friendship is a decision we make -- a decision to either commit to it or terminate it. The word calls us to love our neighbors and not have ill hearts for anyone, but nowhere does it say we're called to please everyone and keep everyone we encounter in our inner circle of relationship, regardless of how "holy" our intent may be.
I have witnessed good-hearted folks round up groups and groups of "friends" to invest time in, and this is all truly wonderful. I love this... but then when I take a closer look, the quality of the relationships don't seem all that conducive to me. These friends come and go, and eventually, it gets to a point when someone who is in need of a real, quality friendship finds disappointment instead because needs and expectations cannot be met. It's certainly not because of ill intentions. Rather, this friend, or people-pleaser, doesn't know how to be real or reach that level of trust and meaningfulness that is expected from a quality friendship. Of course, as always, this is merely my opinion based on observations, and that's all that should be considered for the purpose of this blog.
The reason why this doesn't appeal to me is because I value quality relationships above many, many things in my life. It's definitely high up there for me. For this reason, I happen to not hold a special place in my heart for these types of people. I believe God gives us a desire for certain things, and it's our responsibility to ensure that these desires are fulfilled effectively. Because I had a friend like that, I made the decision to deem her "seasonal." She has a good heart, and our friendship was so fruitful when things were working on her terms. It was wonderful because for a good year or so, I truly enjoyed being on her terms. I regarded her in that way, and I appreciated her for everything she did. But like in all relationships, it takes two. So when it was my turn to need, I became disappointed... more sad, but still disappointed. I know disappointment is a double-edged sword, but I believe it's the appropriate word to describe my feelings at the time. I felt like it was my turn to need a friend, but even after all I've invested, I received little to nothing in return, but it was okay. Why? Because God gave me the right to choose. He gave me the ability to discern and make decisions. He created me to be someone special, and He allowed me to recognize my identity in Him. Without this ability to be one in Him, I wouldn't have been able to make decisions that led me to be free and without disappointment. In the end, he honored my decision, and in return, I gained other fruitful and meaningful relationships (one being my husband).
Today, I love the casual relationship I have with my old friend, and I love her. Nothing changes the fact that we shared fruitful moments in a past season. But just as the seasons change, so do some of my relationships. I would add "unfortunately" after that last sentence, but it's really a good thing, I promise. I don't ask for or anticipate these changes, but I allow God to help me with making these changes in my life. If we can give up certain things we deem "purposeless" and "unnecessary" from season to season, why can't we do the same for relationships that are just as purposeless and unnecessary? God doesn't want us to waste our time and efforts on things that are already dead. There's so much work to do in His kingdom, so there's no sense in wasting our God-given time and resources.
So if you're struggling with friendships that are dragging you down with weight on your shoulders, or even stuck with friendships that are just sitting there stagnantly, not as alive as they used to be for whatever the reason, just know that it's okay to have seasonal friendships. They had a purpose while they lasted in their season, but it's time to move forward once that purpose no longer exists. Take that time and effort and put it into something alive and meaningful. No one has the right to tell you who should or should not be your friend. Friendships are a personal decision, and any decisions in regard to them should only be between you and the only other one who knows you best... God. It's totally possible to love and let go at the same time, and if anything, God will be more pleased that you did so than otherwise.
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<3 I can totally relate. I love reading your Posts because it's so well written.
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